Guest entry by: Andrew Tan, A Story of Heroes

A Story of Heroes

The tale of how 7 Americans invaded Lan Kwai Fong on the Fourth of July

Preface

To give this story proper perspective we must start four weeks before the date in question.

Before their trip even began Mr. Calhoun, Mr. Kim, Ms. Kohut, and Mr. Goodnight himself began to make plans to celebrate that quintessential of American holidays, Independence Day, overseas. Mind you this was not anyone’s ideal situation but, as we all must do sometimes, these visionaries decided to make the best of an imperfect situation.

Well anyway back to the idea that spawned a cascade of events that lead to seven Americans taking over one of Hong Kong’s most popular attractions. This idea, as innocent as it began, opened the floodgates to one of the best nights in China that any of us have ever had. Essentially the plan was to drape themselves in the stars and stripes and celebrate as if they were in Philadelphia or Washington D.C. From the first hand account you are about to read you can judge if this plan was a success.

Off to Hong Kong

We left that day straight from work. Springing ourselves from the doldrums of Bao’an district, Shenzhen was like removing a stifling weight from all our shoulders. The night was perfect, which is almost unheard of for southern China in July. The air was crisp and the skies clear, the anticipation was palpable.

As the conversation flowed back and forth from the craziness of the week leading up to Friday and the events to come, everyone began to feel more and more energized and ready to cut loose.

Upon arriving at the ferry terminal we found that our intended transport had been canceled. Determined not to allow this setback cast a shadow over our plans, we adjourned to a near by pub to enjoy a beer and unwind prior to the adventure that lay before us. On the way to the pub we were treated to one of the most rousing renditions of the Star Spangled Banner by Mr. Goodnight. This was a most unexpected and welcomed treat.

After finishing a much needed beverage we ventured back to the port and boarded the ferry. The ferry staff had no idea what they were about to unleash upon Hong Kong.

Arrival

Once we made land, on Central Island of Hong Kong, the group’s immediate attention turned to depositing our belongings at the hostel and preparing ourselves for the night to come.

After a short cab ride to Causeway bay we arrived at the hostel and were shown to our rooms. We had booked three rooms for the seven of us and once the first key was turned, the race began to see who could don the most patriotic garb.

The fodder for this American explosion came in the form of shirts, provided by Mr. Kim, hats, bandannas, and temporary tattoos, all supplied by Ms. Kohut. As you can see from the two pictures below, this first part of the plan can be considered a huge success as I have never witnesses such a perfectly orchestrated team effort of patriotism, save for the signing of the declaration of independence.

All the elements were in place for a historic night.

LKF

After all preparations were set and all American ammunition was loaded, we set off for the site of our revolution.

Around 11:00 am Washington D.C. time we arrived at Lan Kwai Fong. Our first order of business was to arm ourselves with enough currency to fund our take over.

Upon leaving the ATM, Mr. Goodnight stumbled upon an unexpected treasure. This treasure was a golden rope. Armed with his new weapon, Mr. Goodnight proceeded to invite countless girls into club Wăn’ān.

From this point we proceeded to a Mojito bar, as recommended by Mr. Tran. This proved to be a wise decision as Mr. Tran is friends with one of the bartenders, who stoked the fires of our patriotism with a couple free drinks.

From here our tactical plan called for us to liberate the Russian ice bar, located half a block away.

Making our way through a swarm of combatants, led by a flag waving Mr. Tran, we prepared to battle the communist monster head on. However we were not prepared for their secrete weapon, the “sweat ray”. Being the excellent compatriot Mr. Goodnight is he decided to take the full force of the blast by himself, thus saving the rest of us from a soggy night.

Once we had liberated the ice bar, Ms. Kohut was feeling extremely patriotic and decided it was time for our platoon to do an American Bomb (Budweiser with a shot of Jack Daniels dropped in). These drinks tested all of our patriotism but, it was proclaimed in the end, “None of us need help being American!”

Taking the full force of the American bomb caused us to think of our countries rich and storied history. Consequently we remembered the Alamo, and decided the next battle we would have to fight would be against Mexico. Even though we were prepared of the onslaught of Mexico’s most notorious weapon, tequila, we were not ready for the Toro Loco (a margarita with absinth and red bull).

Left reeling from this surprise attack, we quickly regrouped and took our revenge on a British citizen, forcing her to take a picture with us.

One unexpected and quite welcome, side effect form the radiation of the Toro Loco is that is caused Mr. Goodnight to spontaneously burst into dance, which did not stop for the remainder of the night.

With a taste for British blood fresh in our collective mouth it was decided we should show our true colors we decided to thumb our noses at our original nemesis, the British. After a long and winding rout, where we though some of our compatriots had fallen, only to rise again, we arrived at the British Pub Bulldog’s.

Here we decided to put on a heroic display, by every last one of us neutralizing a car bomb, that would shake the confidence of every British man, woman and child for decades to come.

After thoroughly defeating the British on their own soil it was decided that our group of patriots needed a nice cold beer to celebrate. Cue Dolce Vita, it was here that Mr. Goodnight decided to take on Hong Kong herself and tackle a Lan Kwai Fong beer. We never could imagine that Lan Kwai Fong would itself provide the most difficult test to our resolve. While this was a hard fought battle our founding fathers would be proud as we emerged from the confrontation bloodied and bruised but still flying the colors of the red, white and blue.

Now that we hade conquered all that Lan Kwai Fong had to offer it was time for a victory lap, so it was back to the Mojito bar. As you can imagine at this point in the night emotions are running high and everyone is weary from the prolonged battle. Now it was time to relax and bask in the glory of our trouncing of Lan Kwai Fong.

The Morning After

As you can imagine we spent much of the next morning recovering from the vicious battle of the night before. After comparing battle wounds and stories from the night before we decided to return “home” to Shenzhen.

While there was no ticker tape parade or grand celebration for us when we landed in Shekou, we all knew that we had done our jobs. We represented America with every fiber of our beings and I am proud to call every member of our party a patriot, a friend, but above all else an American.

Patriots from left to right: Ryan Goodnight, Hiroshi Miwa, Craig Kim, Long Tran, Andrew Tan, Steve Calhoun, Lauren Kohut, Bald Eagle.